To continue...

.....the opinionated German is still here! I decided to have breakfast by the river the other day, went to my usual cafe, and there he was...in MY cafe. I took a 30 minute stroll and came back only to find him still in situ, obviously boring the life out of the poor waiter who seemed not to have been able to move in all that while. I took another stroll and happily he had gone when I returned. I checked with the owner to make sure that he really had gone; he and the staff fell about laughing, putting their hands over their ears. He is obviously making an impression- of sorts.The owner told me that for breakfast every morning he orders 3 glasses of LaoLao and 3 coffees. Lunch was the same. I did not enquire about dinner, but I think we can all guess.
At the end of my last Letter someone ticked the feedback box saying "horrifying"; I shall assume that they were referring to this gentleman, rather than to my typing or grammar.

On one of my 30 minute diversionary strolls I spent some time in the fresh food market. That is particularly interesting, if occasionally disturbing, in the early morning when much live produce is for sale. There is always a lot of fish for sale, plus frogs and crabs. The latter are often very small, and I wonder if it is worth the bother of trying to scrape out so little flesh from such a tiny creature. There are also usually ratlike creatures and often small birds; occasionally big ones too, apart from the ever present hens and ducks. Occasionally there is a fabulous,usually dead, creature like a falcon or an eagle.

This week's crime report affects me only obliquely. My Hmong friend has had his lap top and camera stolen from his home. Now, Hmong homes are built with neither security, nor comfort in mind; they seem to be there simply to keep the elements at bay. But the  supposition must be that within their own community, theft and burglary will not occur. It seems very sad that that belief  seems no longer justified. He is a tour guide and, where the crime touches slightly on me, is that he has borrowed my camera while he on on a trek in the far north. So,at the time of writing I have no camera, nor photos to attach.

Nor do I have a water supply; that particular mirage has disappeared for the moment. And to follow on last week's rant about noise, my next door neighbour decided to make some repairs to his house at 6am this morning. I guess the issue arises because Lao people are so tolerant; too tolerant.  I doubt that, "Oi mate; shut that effing noise" is translatable into Lao. Right now,  I am combatting next door's pop music with symphonies by Haydn, which I think is pretty restrained of me.

A further note on last week's letter is that the the cockerel was taken for a walk, carsessed under his owner's arm, yesterday. I did not see them return, so I am none the wiser about my suspicions. Whether or not cock fighting takes place, there is  certainly quite a bit of hunting in the woods above my house. The guns are an astonishing range of rifles and the occasional shot gun. The most amazing one is a musket that is as long at its owner..at least 5 feet in length. I don't know much about guns but surely they stopped making barrel-loaded guns aeons ago ? In the local market they sell some rather nasty looking animal traps, so I guess trapping is common too.

Now for the weather report.  We have had no rain for about 8  or 9 days, and there seems no likelihood of having any in the near future. According to the Vientiane Times some provinces have put back the school start time by an hour or more because of the cold. Apparently, this is quite a common occurrence but not as early in the year as this.  I think the areas concerned are poor rural districts where the children simply do not have any warm clothing to protect them from the early morning chill and mist. As I write this the novices from the temple (in their beanie hats) are staggering past under the weight of huge logs which no doubt will be used to maintain a fire in the temple compound.

When I walked into town about 8am the other morning I was perfectly comfortable with a sports shirt and thin trousers, but the locals were dressed up as if ready for ski-ing, with padded jackets, gloves scarves, hats, even a balaclava or two. I guess it would have been about 18 degrees. Clearly my habit of going abroad in such arctic conditions so scantily clad is further evidence of the craziness of falangs.
I remain genuinely bemused that I continue to be the object of such fascination; especially to the children. OK, I have blue eyes, but you can't see those from a distance, my skin colour is lighter than some, but, darker than others,especially those of part Chinese descent, and my hair is grey; but since I have discovered that Lao mens' nice dark hair comes out of a bottle, even that is not so remarkable. Please don't send messages explaining why I am so fascinating; it is a rhetorical question; not one requiring comment.

To my surprise all my suits came back from the laundry in good condition; even more surprising is that they all fit. Two of them are silk, tailored  (in Thailand) and over the years one has been taken in at the waist once and one twice. I don't know if I used to be Mr Roly Poly, or whether silk gradually stretches with wear? I shall leave the  choice of suit for the wedding my sartorial advisers, though I have a sneaking suspicion that I shall end up wearing the one that makes me look  like Derek Hatton on a bad day or a small time mafia enforcer.  (Yes, for those of you who remember him I agree that there may seem  little  obvious difference)

Some (Lao) friends.who are attending the wedding  and want to wear ties but don't know how to tie them, have just been round for a tutorial. Can any of you explain how to tie a tie? It's a bit like the 'hokey cokey"...you put your left arm in, you out your left arm out, you do the hokey cokey and you shake it all about....
Someone else just popped in to check that I would be ok walking between  the two wedding venues....they are about 500 metres apart. I assured them them that I would probably be ok, but might need to sit down once or twice on the way.

But the wedding itself remains something of an enigma, despite much advice and information from Teng. There seems not to be a ceremony as we, well, I would recognise it. There is a  bacci ceremony  in a private house followed by a party. It is apparently, at the former that the knot is tied. But a bacci is an animist (ancestor worship) event, not really approved of by the Buddhist hierarchy, so why is this the mechanism in a Buddhist family? And what role does the state play in regulating and certifying the marriage? And for those who want a secular wedding, what do they do? Given that Laos is (notionally) a communist country, surely there must be non religious options?   Well I guess the answers to some of these questions may emerge on Tuesday, though if the LaoLao is flowing, I might not remember them.

Now that the time difference between Laos and UK is 7 hours, following the news on radio is not that good. As I am getting up,  Radio 5's "Up all Night" hasn't even begun and "Starting the Week" at 4pm seems a little illogical. So I rely more on BBC online, where I saw the wonderful story about the politician who has been sacked for "telling lies" . What ? A  politician not being wholly truthful ? how shocking !

Where is the goat?  I have not seen her for more than 2 weeks. My plants are no doubt enjoying her absence, but I am getting just  a little anxious about her. Someone needs to be here to boss the village  dogs, from whom she stands no nonsense.

The police are engaged in a big training exercise, with trainees being  taught how to stop motorcyclists not wearing helmets. It's actually very good and I am told that people are treated with courtesy, advised that helmets are for the rider's own good, and sent away with a gentle admonition. ( I guess the "fund raising" lesson comes later ) What is amusing is that when  their shift is over they climb onto the back of a bike to go back to the station......yes, you guessed it.....without a helmet.

Did I tell you that I have goldfish?   (Er, that is fish  swimming about ...it's not  some some kind of Asian sexually transmitted disease) Did I tell you that I thought that I had been given a dog called Mrs Thatcher? And how about the missing tomatoes?
Well, if I did not, then please tune in again to the same place, same time next week. when I shall probably have forgotten all about them.

Alan