National Teachers' Day

Yes; it is that time of year again, when the kids, who have little enough schooling as it is, get cheated out of a few days more. I use the plural, as National Teachers' Day began on Friday and in some cases will run until Tuesday. More extraordinary is that I am told that the banks, government offices and even the police are closed today, on the grounds that the staff of those used to have teachers. This is an assertion for which I cannot always  find convincing evidence. Only the military, it seems was excluded from exposure to teachers, a situation which I do find credible and likely to apply not only to Laos but across the globe.  My own staff at the LEOT school  spent  the day building a boule (petanque) area. A harmless enough activity, but not one likely greatly enhance the language skills of their students; but at least I have kept 'the day' down to the singular form.

One of my theories that whenever I travel there is always one lunatic was recently called into question when I took the minibus from Vang Vieng to Luang Prabang. Where my theory was at fault us that there were in fact  2 certifiable passengers on the bus...20% of the total.

One, from a country which I dare  not name  a rather aggressive nation on the shores of the southern Mediterranean, soon got bored with his own bombastic prejudices  and went to sleep. A happy situation for us all. The other, from a country which spent 10 years trying to eradicate all trace of members from the other race, was less easily quietened. He had those terrifying eyes and that smile of the 'true believer'. What he believed in was 'deep meditation' and had recently been released from a Buddhist Boot Camp in Chiang Mai. Obviously, a deeply flawed person when he was admitted, he graduated with first class as honours as totally bonkers.  When he was explaining how his experiences had taught him great sensitivity I found it a little strange that his  sensitivity did not extend to noticing the great hostility directed towards him from my  colleague and I at the back of the bus.

As part of his training he had experienced sleep deprivation and had  endured 20 days of total silence. How I wished I had the balls  to ask him  demonstrate the latter technique, and also  take the opportunity of catching up with the former.....but a lower middle class upbringing in the Home Counties makes such an intervention impossible, even after all these years. How grateful I am for the the the invention by Mr B. Log, of  his eponymous form of communication which enables me to sound off in this fashion. In any event our lunatic was able to assure us all that after years of being deeply troubled he had now achieved perfect harmony with the world. He also mentioned that he was 22 years of age. I wonder what he will do when he grows up? World Dictator  or Guru by age of 26 I suppose and settle down to write his memoirs aged 30? I hope he will never have to demean himself by doing an honest day's work.

The bus actually left not on time, but 15 minutes early.This appeared to be excellent news until after 20 minutes it was discovered that we had left a passenger behind. But that the fact that he was driven to meet us and join our happy band was a very positive development. It maybe be that Laos is starting to acknowledge the concept of customer  care. Ryanair and HSBC please note, maybe you might follow where Laos leads.

One feature of our work at the our Language Centre is the number of boys who have come to us from the Orphanage. (Boys only it seems). They look extraordinarily young, tending to be rather malnourished and small. On Saturdays and other days when they have no school, they come into the Centre around 10 and study  until we close around 9 pm. During that time they go without food unless I can rustle up a little money to send someone to the market to buy some rice and vegetables. It is all rather sad and I hope that I can find someone who has the time and energy to run a small soup/noodle  kitchen for them; a role which rather goes beyond my  own already full job description !

But having had a busy week last week, I decided to spend the weekend doing nothing but relaxing and going to the sauna. In the event, doing nothing took up so much of my time that I never got to the sauna. Nor did I get to the shops, with the result that last night I  too was faced with creating one of those 1960s type student meals made up odd left overs and fresh air. Some rather tired bits of bacon, with a handful or rice and rather too many chillies, was happily augmented by that most adaptable of object, an egg. I was however reminded that such a  meal in my student days was pressed in to service when my grant had run out...what a Golden Age that must have been when you got paid to study, rather than having to take out crippling debts to do it !

The problem of writing an occasional blog is that there is too much stuff to include. Since I last wrote  I have been to UK, we have opened our school, had barbecues and  boat races....where the team we sponsored came first.  My dog has been stolen, I have been to hospital in Thailand, many visitors have been welcomed   and oh, of course I still have no visa. So as ever, this occasional effort is merficully short because of my lack of editorial skills. Random photos are included just to fill up space.

EATING AND SHOPPING CHINESE STYLE

I know that one of the cheapest and least amusing traveller's jokes is the "foreigners have funny names" one. But I  would be doing a disservice to my readers if I failed to mention the name of a Chinese restaurant that I saw the other day. The Puking Restaurant. There.It is as well to have got that out of the way early.

Now onto shopping. We have a  supermarket in Luang Prabang now! It is a Chinese one near the Southern Bus Station.
 Shopping there is quite an experience. The first thing to be said is that it is massively overstaffed. I would think that 2/3 of the staff are fulfilling no useful function whatsoever. How different from our own beloved Tesco where they seem to have fewer staffed checkouts and more empty shelves each time I go. But let me take you through step by step in case you should want to visit.

On arrival you park under a sign that says FREE PARKING, in 3 languages. At which point a security guy comes up to you and demands 2,000kip. And if you are Lao, you pay it, because you are well mannered. But if you are a crusty old falang, you laugh, point to the sign and say, "What does that say ?" The security man was genuinely outraged that someone had spotted his scam.  If he can get that  sum out of 200 customers a day that is about 30 pounds...or what a school teacher earns in a week...if the government has any money to pay them. Welcome to China!

Moving from the car park, you are prevented from entering the shop until you have been to a kiosk( 3 or 4 staff) and made to hand over your shopping bags. Oh yes, who wants shopping bags when they go shopping?  How much better to be given multiple plastic carriers? Your next attempt is also prevented, as you have made the foolish mistake of trying to enter by the large open doors on the ground floor. You are directed up an external staircase of about 30 steps and required to enter at the first floor. Of course there is no lift, so please don't be elderly or infirm or disabled or pushing a pram if you want to shop here. I imagine that prams are, anyway, forbidden by management.

Now you are almost in the shop a team of people will watch you enter, and you will be issued with a basket on wheels by another team. The goods are well laid out and the range of items is pretty thorough, especially if you have gone into buy tea or rice. But there are odd rules. I decided to buy some Beerlao (of course). It was sold in individual bottles, but as went I went to take 2 bottles it was explained  by the Beerlao team that I could only buy 3. Not more, not less, just 3. As you go around the shop you will be tailed by staff as you enter their particular domain. Those of you who know "Walkman Village" in VTE and LPB, will know the feeling of having staff following you around 2 feet behind you. Being childish, I turn the tables, stare at them and when they back away, I follow them around. I know, I know, but we have so few pleasures out here.

Sometimes there is a fresh fruit and vegetable section, and sometimes there is not. I have not worked out the rules of that one yet.

Anyway, basket brimming with good things it is time to head for the large sign that says "CASHER". This is where it starts to get interesting. I was foiled in my effort to buy 2 bottles of toilet duck. (Ok, Ok..one for home, one for work..alright?) That was against the rules. I wonder why?  Health and safety? Do some Chinese have illegal Toilet Duck parties where they sniff, drink or even paint each others' bodies with it? I just don't know. But anyway, the helpful Casher explained that my friend could buy the second bottle as  a separate transaction, so he did.(So, hey...party time...but please bring a bottle !!)

 Now, I fear I may be losing my audience but I will struggle on. Once the items are taken out of ones' basket and rung up on the till they are then removed to another basket and taken  to another desk  where they are removed from the second basket and put into bags. Then, at the other end of that desk, once your bags bags have been identified by fingerprinting and DNA (yes, I made that bit up) you can collect your goods by producing your receipt. This is then stamped; for what purpose I do not know; it seems that receipting the receipt is not really that necessary. Anyway,when you are handed your bags, a young man standing about 12 inches from the girl who just stamped your receipt, checks that you have a receipt, at which point you are allowed to carry your bags down to the ground floor. Carry, not wheel.  Goodness knows what happens when you then want to buy something on the ground floor...maybe you have to take your bags outside and re-enter?

This might be a good time to make a cup of tea as I am about to recount 2 incidents of shopping Lao style. The first  is quite simple. I go into a shop agree a price on a mattress and a sofa. Oh that was painless. Delivery? Oh No we can't deliver.  You expect me to carry them home, do you?  When I suggest that the sale is conditional upon me being able to enjoy these  items  at home rather than just in the shop, that produces a shrug of the shoulders and the end of negotiations . No Sale.

The second is more curious. I wanted to buy some fire extinguishers. Nobody seemed to know where I might find these so I went to the insurance company who had recently sold me fire insurance, thinking that this would be something they would encourage. But no. In fact, the manager seemed to think it was very odd of me. After all, I had just bought insurance from him.. why would I want fire extinguishers when I am insured? No, he did know know where such curious objects might be found. On further enquiry I was directed to the Police and Fire Service. Not a bad suggestion maybe. The first attempt failed as they were at lunch...so if you are considering having a fire or burglary  please, please do not do it at mealtimes.

So I tried again....but NO...they had no such things although  they had heard of them. Indeed, they knew a man who might be able, for a fee, to procure such an item. As luck would have it he was not far away. But  he did not know personally where such things could be found. However, he knew someone who did. Great ! Off we go. I shall not ask you to guess where we were directed, as it is so obvious. It was of course, the shooting range for the LPB crossbow club. Indeed, where else one might hope to find a fire extinguisher?  And he was able to help....well, up to a point (no pun intended). He knew someone in Vientiane who had, by all accounts, some of what I desired, and if gave him $60 he could procure one; just a  small one,.
Really, if I was trying to procure drugs, or a (small)  Burmese transsexual prostitute I doubt that it could have been harder to achieve; or more expensive. No Sale. (For any of the foregoing.)

No way am I going to try to buy a Pork Pie; life is just too short.

Happy shopping !

ALAN
PS  I was asked at lunchtime to pronounce the word  that is spelled UNIQUE; I had some sympathy for the questioner.

Newsfree letter

The sandbanks on the river are now submerged, but we really have not had a great deal of rain so far. probably less than my UK readers have been enjoying. In fact as I write this, it is a very English April morning, cool with slight drizzle. You may not think that sounds too good, but I assure that it is a real joy.

I understand that the Underwater Olympics are about to take place in London, security concerns permitting. Why didn't the organisers contact me?  We have plenty of excess security people who are contributing little to the Public Good here and who would have relished to opportunity to see the delights of Tower Hamlets and Stratford and whose daily living expenses would have been quite modest.

One concern about the UK weather is for the welfare of a group of LEOT supporters who are embarking on the insane attempt to climb The Three Peaks next month. For those unfamiliar with this challenge, it involves getting to the top of each of the highest mountains in England, Wales and Scotland in 24 hours. I suppose it takes all kinds.
 But you might like to take a moment or two to look at

www.virginmoneygiving.com/team/leotthreepeakschallenge

If you relish the thought of a group of lawyers getting drenched to the bone, blistered and utterly lost on a British mountain (as I do) then I am sure you will want to encourage this venture. Donations, possibly in guineas, though pounds will suffice, will,unusually, find their way to our new English centre in Luang Prabang and  not to the benefit of  M'learned friends.

An equally odd way of spending one's time was drawn to my  attention by a French lady, who was struggling to make herself understood in a cafe the other day. ( I wonder if the locals, who should have a smattering of French, are getting their own modest revenge for a century of servitude under the French by refusing to understand a word that is said to them in that language?  It is in fact slightly reminiscent of the Parisians,who totally refuse to use English in any way). She was, as it happened, in a dispute about pineapples versus bananas...no wonder the locals think that foreigners are crazy. But that is not the point of the story. The point is, if there is one, that she was attending a UNESCO funded International Esperanto conference.  (Thinking about it, maybe she was talking Esperanto to the locals, with a predictable response,or lack of one.) Now I am sure that studying  Esperanto, like lace making, water divining, or tree hugging is a charming and harmless thing to be doing, but funded by UNESCO? (which, of course has already  had its funds cut off by US and halved by UK?). Is this delightful historical and cultural quirk really worthy of international funding at a time of global recession?

Whilst in Vientiane I heard the following story about Thailand. I cannot vouch for its accuracy, but then my readers have long since given up expecting accuracy to stand in the way of a good story. Apparently, when Thai Airways needed to raise large sums of capital, the government of the day (pre Taksin) agreed that it could, but only from Thai banks, not from the international money market. The result?  Thai banks themselves borrowed money from abroad at 4%  and lent it to Thai airways at 17%. ! It is good to know that the greed of banks is encouraged  by governments the World over and not just in UK.

Going about my business of buying goods and services to equip the new school I was, for some reason, struck by the thought that when my time comes,and I need to argue my case to get into Heaven, I shall ask for a Thai, rather than a Lao negotiator to present my case.There are quite interesting different cultural attitudes between such apparently similar neighbours. The Thai approach might be as follows.......

Goodness, this place must cost a fortune to run. I have a client here willing to pay for his own ambrosia and dispense with a harp. I could let you have him for just a modest payment of 1000 Baht...cash down of course. 500?  OK, it's  deal.He is on his way.

The Lao approach would be casual, more 'take it or leave it'.

Give me a million Kip and you can have this client of mine  What?  200,000? I have had a better offer from elsewhere; I'll send him there.

At this point in writing the blog I took a walk to buy a coffee and sit by the river. I was walking along when my phone told me that message had arrived. In the annals of texting history I think that this one must hold a prominent place. It was from a student in Luang Prabang and I reproduce it in its entirety.

 " Could you give me the definition of Existentialism please".

 In the weeks to come I look forward to explaining "Kapital", "Mein Kamf" and "In Search of Lost Time " in text form. The Bible and Dhammapada will follow shortly.

As if that were not enough, on sitting down in the cafe, the waiter sat down  next to me with a textbook asking me to explain why 'music' and 'tennis' have no plurals. I suppose that I should be grateful to receive such intellectual challenges, but I fear that sometimes they are a bit beyond me. Maybe I shall join the tennis club  (singular only) which I am sure must be  a haven free from intellectual challenge.

No photos this edition. Any I might have been tempted to use seem, apparently to already to have found their way onto something called  Facebook....whatever that is. I am sure it will not catch on.

ALAN

Just when you thought it was safe to open your emails...

...the LetterfromLaos is back ! As am I, after several weeks in Thailand and UK.

As ever, thanks to all those who offered me their hospitality on my travels. I am not sure who to blame for the UK weather, where we 'enjoyed' the wettest June in history. It is, of course, raining in Luang Prabang, but then it is supposed to.

During my time away Google seems to have changed the blogspot pages, with the result that I cannot get  spell check to work...this may make for more interesting reading than usual. Interestingly, when I looked at the Preview page, all the W's came out slightly broken as in an old typewriter where the ink had solidified. So maybe we now have period charm ? Like when I asked in an  IT shop if they sold Overhead Projectors....the salesman got quite dewy eyed about such a quaint request; it was clearly like asking in a car saleroom if  they had  a new Morris Minor.

Despite the weather, visits to The Dolphin  Inn in Hastings Old Town, Sidmouth seafront, Lord's, Eltham Palace, Royal Festival Hall and a rather wacky building called A La Ronde were all possible.

My journey back to LPB was relatively uneventful if tiring. A  5 hour bus trip followed by an 11 hour flight, and 13 hour train journey left me opting for a 40 minute flight from Vientiane to LPB rather than the alternative of a 12 or 14 hour bus journey. Yes, decrepitude is creeping up on me. But age seems to have some advantages and I was upgraded to "Elite Class" on my Eva Air flight to Bangkok.
Apart from a charming Thai girl sat next to me the Elite class seemed to be reserved for the Geriatrics, the Obese and those suffering from various mental heath problems who had  given their minders the slip for the day. It may be that the charming lady mentioned was herself an undercover minder, checking that none of us attempted to hang ourselves with our shoelaces from the luggage rack. I was in any event prevented from considering that by having my shoes (which I had slipped off) removed and placed in the luggage rack....was this for reasons of hygiene or to prevent self injury?  Clearly the extra leg room accorded to us Elite band also meant it  was easier for burly minders to come in and strap us down, or drag us out depending on the circumstances.
We were mostly a male group and I assume that the majority of us were heading for the sex resorts of Thailand where rumour has it that 22 year old  Thai beauties from good homes  and with large bank accounts sit on the beach hoping to attract the attentions of crude, tattooed, overweight Alzheimer's cases from the UK with bad tables manners,with a view to  lure them into wedlock. Certainly they would have had several to chose from just from my flight alone. In particular, I was struck by one man sat the other side of the young lady, who when a quite decent meal was served  ate his pudding first before working his way through to his starter. (Who else has read Martin Amis' "Times Arrow" ?).

The train journey by sleeper was slightly marred by a steward insisting that I had not paid for my coffee; times are hard but not to the point of trying to cheat Thai Railways out of 30 baht. Though one could argue that  charging 60pence for a cup of black Nescafe in a small cardboard cup was inviting one not to pay. But the guy was insistent to the point of following me back to my seat; only waving him away in a lordly fashion and telling him he was upsetting the other travellers disposed of him....without his 30 baht.
 Far more welcoming was Lao immigration where  was I  greeted like an old friend..which of course, I am....and given a whole bunch of forms so I did not have to queue for them next time. I persist in my naive view that 'next time' I shall not need all the forms but have a proper visa...one has to remain optimistic. Also  welcoming was my hotel, who dispensed with any nonsense of filling in forms, registers or whatever, and removed my bags to my room while I was still outside talking on the phone. A waiter in a local cafe also seemed happy to see me...if hugging me and kissing me, in a Heathcliffe moment is any guide.
It was only on my second (and final) day in Vientiane that I realised my diet on Day One had been...Breakfast: 2 black coffees (both paid for, please note); Lunch: 2 Beer Lao; Dinner: 2 Beer Lao. I resolved that although this reflected a nicely balanced diet maybe I needed to consider broadening the range a little.  As it happens I did not travel with a pork pie in my luggage this time, but a lot of cheese and pickle made it across the globe as did many packets of Chocolate Digestives and Cadbury Cream eggs...yes  I am a dietician's delight. But it is the pineapple season, so all will be well.

The river is still quite low with large sandbanks visible south of the city despite 8 or 10 hours rain each day. I guess this is simply anecdotal confirmation of the fact that the river level has more to do with Chinese dams in the north than with local weather. The weather had apparently been unbearably hot before I arrived but it has not been too bad at all, barely getting over 30 degrees and often much less, thanks to the cooling effect of the rains which we can expect daily now until September. Well, I think September, but life is a little confusing this year as I am told that we have 2 Augusts this year! In a country where the phases of the moon are still very important, having 2 full moons..or is it new moons? in August has impacted on various dates. including putting the Boat Racing Festival back well into September.

Since I got back life has been a round of meetings, site inspections and negotiations, mostly unsuccessful, with suppliers all related to the new school project (see www.lelclaos.org), see above.
I have brought some tennis racquets  (is that how you spell it ?)  with me and I hope that unlike the cricket bat and ball brought out some years back they may soon get some use, but so far they have not had an outing.

Since this is the first letter since February, I think I should let you off lightly and sign off now. But be warned, The Letter is back!

Letterfromlaos is lost in the post

Letterfromlaos has been discontinued. For those interested, a new blog is being created at www.talltalesfromthailand.blogspot.com and occasional posts, without photos will occur there, starting in the next day or so.
Alan

Big man rides into town...

Yes, on Saturday Luang Prabang came to a standstill as we welcomed a major global personality. Nelson Mandela?  Sadly not.  Bill Clinton?  Nope.  David Beckham? Not a hope. Peter Banwell? Too busy. No, we welcomed international fraudster and currently citizen of Montenegro. Mr Taksin, the former Prime Minister of Thailand. Already sentenced to jail  for major financial offences and wanted for trial on charges of terrorism, the government of Laos gave him the VIP treatment.  Roads were closed,  and multiple police outriders and support vehicles provided  so that he could pay a visit to the Museum and give alms at a local temple. One suspects that the former owner of Lao Telecom may have given others 'alms too. In most countries the police would be there to take him into custody; here in our communist  paradise they welcomed him as a hero. I can barely contain my excitement that one day the tribune of the people, Rupert Murdoch might  deign to visit us and also be welcomed as a  defender of Marxist Leninism (Micky Mouse version).

I was invited to make  a contribution to the funeral expenses of a deceased villager and I enquired how much would be appropriate. I was told that 30,000 or 40 000 kip  ($4 or $5) would be fine. I only had a 50,000 note so handed that over, but as an afterthought enquired how it might be spent.  Oh, we need it it to buy 'paper money' to burn at the funeral, I was told. My suggestion that I just set light to the bank note, and cut out the middleman was greeted with some puzzlement.

I forgot to mention last week that I was just leaving the police station....oh yes!  I assure you that there is nowhere better than  a police station here to watch c.30  uniformed young people, without a single brain cell between them, smoke, and scratch their private parts (yes, I agree, there are better ways to spend your time;it is just a suggestion) and coming down the road to meet me was was an elephant. Is there anyone who does not adore elephants? But she was big and the road was narrow and as she got close I got a tiny bit anxious, having a rather solid brick wall on my other side There was  just the smallest amount of space between us as I squeezed past, but she never moved off a straight line and I got by, just grazing her tummy as she passed.

Other invitations this week included one to a New Year's Eve party and to 2 parties this evening. I hid from the former, and am claiming that tonight I am at the 'other' party and therefore unable to attend. My reluctance to attend is for all the reasons that  I regularly spell out here, but mostly because it is made so hard to leave a Lao party. If I could pop in for an hour or so I would happily attend, but to sign up for a 6 hour musical extravaganza and drinking session is not something I often want to do.

Another, especially charming invitation, which again I might just decline due to pressure of work, has been extended by the Children's Cultural Centre which has invited me to join its weekend camp. I am genuinely touched by such an unexpected invitation, but I am not wholly convinced that 2 nights under canvas with thirty or so 11 year  olds is really my preferred option for the weekend. Should I change my mind, please be prepared for the next Letter to bear a resemblance to Alan Sherman's "Camp Granada"..aka Hello Fadda, Hello Mudda for those of you old enough to understand the reference.
But thinking about it, it might be some while before the next legitimate LetterfromLaos, as my monthly tourist visa expires next week, and as some of you might have read, I do not intend  to renew it. So unless things happen in the next few days, Tuesday will see me back on the Ship of Fools to Thailand and not returning to  Laos until April.

New Year is proceeding quietly after rather a noisy NY Eve. Oddly, although banks and offices close for Happy New Year whilst most business stay open, for Chinese/Vietnamese NY the reverse is true.  We have celebrated it by daily power cuts and lack of water in the pipes. But to be fair, the former are planned cuts to enable improvements to the supply to  be installed and the latter caused by children with time on their hands.
We have had a few rain showers which is also odd, or so it seems to me. I am used to settled weather only making few seismic shifts in the course of the year, not English changeable weather. The mornings are noticeably less cold right now, and indeed I have slept the last 2 nights with a fan on, so maybe we are stuttering our way out of  our winter.

For those of you who have been kind or curious enough to express an interest in the orange shirt which has been mentioned before, here is a treat for you.

You will note how well I fit into the background.

Best wishes

ALAN

Funny old week......

We have had some rain, which was rather unexpected and it brought a brief end to the rather cool spell that we have been having of late. But 'winter' has re-asserted itself and it was really bitterly cold until 10am the last couple of mornings This morning I opened my door onto the balcony at 6.20 and promptly retired to bed..it was dark, misty and very cold. One novice monk was recently the beneficiary of a some 'hand warmers' from his overseas sponsor; he must be the object of much envy in the mornings right now. By 8am I re-emerged wearing long trousers and cricket  shirt, and a dressing gown with a Beer Lao fleece on top. Yes, a passable imitation of a  London bag lady.

 I have had a visit from some goats; 3 of  them. But sadly they decided to move on to better pastures. That was a shame as they briefly terrorised the local dogs. Mother goat merely had to glare at them and they ran for cover; they are a pretty pathetic lot, all talk...much of it at 4am.Last night  I did score a bull's eye with a decent sized stone on the bum of the most unpleasant dog, which gave me great pleasure though I  now fear a visit from the Lao Canine Protection League. Curious that as one who usually goes doe-eyed at the sight of a doggie now derives so much pleasure from hurling rocks at them.
The village dogs have just  been bit players in a cunning plan to stop me sleeping.

 This seems to be the height of the wedding season and just about every night we have had a party in the village till the small hours. On Sunday there were 3 competing to see who could reach the highest decibel (and tunelessness) count. I put my laptop onto  Beethoven loop  mode and played piano concertos at  maximum volume  into my headphones, which did little for my chances of sleeping but it was a good deal more tuneful that the other option. One night once the party had died down the temple took over and broadcast chants all night, instead of waiting till 4am to wake me as normal.
 Mosquitoes too have played their part. It is strange that they are so numerous now, and even stranger that whereas previously they mostly ignored me, now they sneak up at night and take great lumps out of me. I can only assume that my diet has changed and that I am now giving off more friendly scents through my pores. I mentioned this to a friend who assured me that I needed to drink more beer, as the yeast in the beer would produce Vitamin B to keep the mozzies at bay. It sounded too good to be true. And since the person urging this solution is married to the owner of the bar where I habituate I wondered about how disinterested this advice was. Checking on Wikipedia it seems that this is a well known fallacy, so I have taken to the Marmite jar instead. The installation of a mosquito net seems to be more efficacious than either beer or yeast spread, but failed to protect me from the noise of a all female drunken singsong which lasted until about 3am. I find it both interesting and odd that no Lao person ever thinks to complain about the discourtesy of their noisy neighbours. It is just as well I suppose that my own Lao is not up to going to visit the neighbours and asking why they think I want to listen to their dreadful noise.

I have also visited the local pawn shop ( thank you gentlemen, yes...PAWN..not PORN) to see if my camera was there; it was not, although I did recognise one item (not taken from me) on display. The owners did not seem the nicest people in town, but I suspect that pawn shopkeepers seldom win any prizes for their generosity of spirit. They referred me to another emporium which I have not  yet been able to find. Incidentally I am told that the police have been quite successful with a recent crackdown against amphetamines, aided on part by their ability to listen in to all mobile phone calls. (I wonder what they make of mine....."yes, yes,   4pm...FOUR,,,  yes FOUR... at the Dara Market....DARA..you know, in town... near the post office....oh ok forget it, I'll sort it myself"....).But like all 'victories' in the 'war on drugs' it seems to be a Pyrrhic one. They have cut the supply (good), thus putting up the price (sounds ok) and driving the addicted users further  into crime to finance their supply (not so good).

A Lao friend was telling me of the girl he has met and  wants to marry. Apparently she has all the qualities the Lao man needs in a wife. She is light skinned, works hard, gets up early to give alms, 'so she can get breakfast for me when she gets back', is fit and strong, 'so she can take care of me when I am ill and cook my dinner when she gets home from work' and works in a bank.. She has the further advantage of living in Vientiane where weddings are not so grand and expensive as in Luang Prabang. Sounds the perfect catch.

The wild flowers and butterflies here are not at their best now, with even the poinsettia, so stunning a few weeks back, looking a bit straggly. The flowers that are out are attended by colourful, but not beautiful yellow butterfly, which is I suspect akin to our own Cabbage White. My own orchids though  never stop flowering. I have no vegetables to speak of now, except for a few French beans and the promise of some tomatoes which seeded themselves.

Pii Mai, and all my usual shops will close for 3 days, all being Vietnamese owned . They always say if they are closed, then I should just bang on the door and they will open for me, but just how urgent is a box of cheap red wine?  (Well, pretty urgent  at times I guess)

If we don't talk before....Happy New Year  (again)

Alan